Authentic Self

The content of this week classes are very impressive, especially about Eric his own story and the self-concept. They all influenced me to think about many things about myself and I never stop to look at how I live my life.

Since I was born, everything were very harsh and hurry to me, and they all seems to make me get in to the university, because from where I born applied to college is a very huge competition, only 1 out of 10 high school student can get applied. When I was studying in elementary school, the school was one of the top school, I did have good grades but my parents still took me to have after school tutor for hours, 5 days a week to maintain my grades, when I was in the third grade, 9 years old. At the time, I never felt happy for a second in my life, when my friends have video games to play and watching TV all day long, I might just back to home at 8 p.m. or still tutoring. I may have held good grades but i never could fit myself into my friends at my elementary school because they were all talking about things I don't have a chance to know like games and TV shows. I was not living for myself, but for my parents and those people expected so high to me.

Although it was a very tough, but my parents were happy when they saw my grades, I used to be the top 5 in the class, I thought that is enough to make myself keep working. When I get older, like 14 or 15. I realized that what I did before in elementary school were all meaningless and I gave up to do homework and started to skip half of my classes, because our education system is so ridiculous that it is only students who can remember all contents of textbooks can have good grades and it is designed to collect the elites to university and they don’t give anything to these can’t. That is also why I am here in U.S..

At that time I finally felt like I was being myself, I learn whatever I want to learn, I go wherever I want to go, like I never like playing music, I just listen to them ,so than I throw my Musical Instruments into the trash can and start to learn martial art every day and week. You can't do something good when you don’t like it. I got a black belt in several years and I quit because I find my master don’t have any more things to teach me and they are starting to suck money. But later then I found another master who can show an other new level of martial art, so I went to Martial art gym every week before i came to U.S.. I did skip regular school class  but I am not lazy because I never stop learning new things. 

More I know what is happening in my city and the world. I know that what people are trying to poison you and make you their slaves and people who are truly care and want to help you. I know my parents push me so hard because they want me to be able to take care myself. Also I never listen to these advises to these people pretending they are helping you but indeed they know nothing about me, nothing about our society, what they telling you actually poisons, because all people from where I grew up love seeing other people fail. I realize what I was doing in the elementary school were exactly the self-defeat drivers, be prefect, be strong, be perfect. I never felt happy because I was living to be like other expecting me to be, but that is not me.